A Day for a 2fer...

i found this over @ wordpress, i'm closing it cause, well...  i can.

2009, sai-ing.something.now

I am a female with many associations.  I am much happier than I have ever been in my adult life.  There are other people who have made me happy before and will continue to do so through my days.  But as far as an adult in an adult relationship believing in life and self - where I am today makes me happy.   I am not 100% happy and those issues stem from deeper inside my core.

My Core is battered and bruised.  It used to be healthy pre - year 2000.  I let someone into my life who I trusted 100%.  That monster broke my trust, my heart, and my spirit.  I am not dwelling on the past - I am just writing down my bones in order for me to use my white board blog for healing.

I have had counseling.  I have paid out lots of money for this counseling.  I do not feel that I was healed from my turmoil.  The monster who broke my trust, heart, and spirit was a Dr. Jekyll/ Hyde in Christian clothing.  He had insecurities of his own and he took out his frustrations of life on me.  He was very abusive in private and a model citizen of the community and a perfect man at Church.  I suffered things which are completely Inhumane.  

I suffer from Agoraphobia, Low Self Esteem, Lack of Confidence, Poor Social skills, Poorer Job skills, and I have become overweight in my flight to avoid  the monster and the abuse in which I suffered. 

I used to be a Free-Spirit and did things my way and believed the world was about me and I was important and then the monster helped me to think and believe that I was a Loser and not good enough for the world and I lost my Spark.  I lost my will to live more than once.  But, the stars are shining down on me and I am trying to pick up the pieces of my life and start living a new life and I am trying to be happy where God has placed me, now!  

I am hoping that this Blog will help me in re-finding myself.