* Sai WhaT: bygones

Showing posts with label bygones. Show all posts

February 20, 2012

A Day for a 2fer...

i found this over @ wordpress, i'm closing it cause, well... i can.

2009, sai-ing.something.now

I am a female with many associations. I am much happier than I have ever been in my adult life. There are other people who have made me happy before and will continue to do so through my days. But as far as an adult in an adult relationship believing in life and self - where I am today makes me happy. I am not 100% happy and those issues stem from deeper inside my core.

My Core is battered and bruised. It used to be healthy pre - year 2000. I let someone into my life who I trusted 100%. That monster broke my trust, my heart, and my spirit. I am not dwelling on the past - I am just writing down my bones in order for me to use my white board blog for healing.

I have had counseling. I have paid out lots of money for this counseling. I do not feel that I was healed from my turmoil. The monster who broke my trust, heart, and spirit was a Dr. Jekyll/ Hyde in Christian clothing. He had insecurities of his own and he took out his frustrations of life on me. He was very abusive in private and a model citizen of the community and a perfect man at Church. I suffered things which are completely Inhumane.

I suffer from Agoraphobia, Low Self Esteem, Lack of Confidence, Poor Social skills, Poorer Job skills, and I have become overweight in my flight to avoid the monster and the abuse in which I suffered.

I used to be a Free-Spirit and did things my way and believed the world was about me and I was important and then the monster helped me to think and believe that I was a Loser and not good enough for the world and I lost my Spark. I lost my will to live more than once. But, the stars are shining down on me and I am trying to pick up the pieces of my life and start living a new life and I am trying to be happy where God has placed me, now!

I am hoping that this Blog will help me in re-finding myself.

September 13, 2009

Sai When ...

My OLD Yahoo BLog < click here
for the latest entry
and

HERE

for the first entry

I am starting over. It makes more sense. I used to have a friend. She was good. But she is gone. Trust is misconceived. Friendship is misconstrued. and Love & SouLMates are overRated. Today, which is actually not the day listed above - is not, i repeat, this is NOT an April Fools Joke. I am leaving the comfort zone. I am flying out of the cage. I am moving back to where I never should have left. I am going home.

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March 11, 2013

while searching for flames of the doubleBoiler, i joined that place, yes the one with the cookies(not the cookie) and not computer cookies - but the real deal - sometimes and probably more than non0chocolate lovers care to admit, they even have chocolate chip cookies. Can you imagine not being able to devour those Delicious Babies? Babies rhymes with Rabies and I've been bitten more than once, but I'm not shy! I did however find my moniker above the BlueVelvet of Scarlette even though I didnt watch BlueValentine tonight. Instead it was uber my fave purple. Ironically, while I was mesmerized by magnetizing banter the delicious beast crossed over into the mouthwatering mirror. we are all captured energy.

November 7, 2012

Yesterday I sat on a soft, larger than the standard chair, spot of comfort. The back, which was actually the front, fit me like a glove. I worked on an old Q&A for better Quality control. Usually, I work on those alone, that time I had a Master of Disguises opposed to the Master of Ceremonies. Speaking of Masters... Dogs have masters and Masters have dogs; and dogs Masters are also finishing their Masters. Masters eventually lead to Doctors. therefore, all Dogs go to heaven or Bark.

April 5, 2010

July 2013

Summertime
And the living is easy
Fish are jumping
The cotton is high
Oh your daddys rich
Your mamas good looking
I said hush little baby
Don't you cry

One of these mornings
Youre bound to rise up singing
Then you'll spread your wings
And take to the sky
But til that morning
Nothings going to harm you no
With daddy and mama standing by

Summertime
(sweet summertime)
And the living is easy
(living is easy)
Fish are jumping
The cotton is high
(sky high)
Oh your daddys rich
(your daddys rich)
And your mamas good looking
(your mamas good looking)
I said hush little baby
Don't you cry
It's SummerTime✿

Poppa Loves Mambo

no acronym pun intended, I swear!

Tonight I sit on a really Big bed in the master suite of a B&B, that I tend to frequent often. They have really good salads here, and you really should try their homemade Bean dip w/a side of jalapenos. The gardenia's are in full bloom, oh how they smell so good. I can see why EmiLY loved them. Dean Martin is on the muzak, somehow I can see Diane Lane & the American Gigolo in the big Beach House on that Stormy night in NC.

"It was one of those crazy things, just one of those flings" ~ Frank Sinatra

November 26, 2011

Noon:30*ish - I am up in the penthouse - been doing penthouse things ;) ... ... ... Thanksgiving was calm until i found out i was gonna have to watch the LSU/Arkansas game in the comfort of someone else's home in a whole different state... it wasn't soo bad. I was the official photographer and Lots of memories were made. i played mostly with the little kids, looked @ almost 500 spoiled pigeons, watched the best half of the football game, ate "other people" cooked food and managed not to freakout about it. Well, until just now - while reCapping my yesterday. Synopsis: everyone else uses way too much sugar, white flour, salt, and less 'care' about what goes into their food. I am very happy to be home and in the penthouse even though i'm doing Nothing!

October 27, 2011

6:42am-- Today I sit in a chair eating way too much Mountain Trail Mix while reading one of my favorite blogger's blogs ... thinking about my latest days of being late, staying up late, and wondering why other people care if I show-up late... Then I get to thinking about the people who really just don't get Life - and no matter how much they tell me that I'm entitled to my opinions - they still dis my right to be me. I don't dis their right 2Bthem. I surely don't see how people 'like that' can Live inside such a small Box!

February 12, 2011

9:14pm--Today I sit typing and almost freezing. There was a blizzard - it was warmer today than it has been in a great while. Here, even in the cold and early as it is, it is still dark outside. I'm not alone today. The B&B is full tonight. All the weary travelers are just making it in to town from the SnowStorm that just passed through. Much like the harsh winds, which blew through this old town, my keyboard seems to tttttype wiiiittttth a fuuuury allllll iiiiits on!!!!!

October 8, 2010

noon*ish--Today I sit in a room with a view of Montana, Michigan, Maine, Maryland, Mississippi, Madagascar, Melbourne, Myanmar, Arkansas, Texas, and Florida in more than my peripheral vision. My chair is a straight back yet anatomically comfortable. Maybe this is because my lower back feels as if I were going to shoot a baby out of my womb at any given moment. My growing need wants to move to Florida. My delirious gypsy soul craves to live somewhere between Va Beach & Pensacola Bay. My heart wonders about the YeLLow Rose of Texas. Nonetheless, I sit in this chair with a window to the right and another to the southwest. The calendar unfolds another day, the clocks tick tock, and my life continues to stand still.

August 8, 2010

9:56pm - Today, I sit in a hard metal chair in a green room near several windows, close 2 four other rooms with many windows where lots of light shines in to brighten a day. It is quiet except for the jingling of the wind-chimes upstairs in the penthouse. I learned yesterday that some people come into our lives by chance; however they bring with them a remembrance of part of ourselves in which we forgot we lost. I believe - today that I had Romeo in the palm of my hand and my foolish fickle funny self lost him the same way I found him.

July 16, 2010

9:51pm - Tonight, I sit in a chair with a black back listening to the Chipmunks sing "You Belong to Me" a Taylor Swift song. Three days have passed and I am still on a fast. The time is going by too slow and for all this hard work there is nothing to show. But, I am still moving forward despite the lag in time, which it makes it feel like the gravitational pull is pulling me backward. I am here alone except for the hum of these machines. It is not quiet here but here is quite noisy compared to where I used to be downstairs in the cold room. Cold rooms are generally dead and never loud.

July 9, 2010

1:08am - Today, I sit in a red chair in a white room at an unfamiliar computer, near a window, near a cross, over an easy chair, next to an antique desk that holds a pot of money, which is very soon going to be applied to nothing instead of someone else's something. Downstairs in the colder room sleeps a man who worked extra hard for the past 3 days in order to have an extra day off this week. Tomorrow, we will try our Organic hands @ building a new habitat for a different kind of humanity!

June 20, 2010

8:43am - Today, I sit in a straight chair with a low back in a room near a window, close 2 a flight of stairs going both up & down. Down leads to a colder room only by temperature - the recipients of the room have everything most never think to ask for and few ever achieve. Up leads to many rooms, one big with its own zip code, another small yet quaint room with a sprinkling of a cold dead charm lost from a more loving era. And the last room, which is my favorite screams out for backing up and closing the last chapter on this book.

May 26, 2010

854am - Today, I sit in a chair in a room near a window, close 2 another room with many windows where lots of light shines in to brighten my day. It is quiet here - no singing, no chirping, no barking, no children singing. I learned yesterday that Teamwork makes a couple Hot. I learned that no matter how slow you are going - you are always going to fast if you aren't paying close attention to your surroundings. I believe the irony today is that as much as I want to believe that I am a procrastinator about the important things... The important things are still swallowing me whole.

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February 20, 2012

A Day for a 2fer...

September 13, 2009

Sai When ...

May 26, 2010

time forgotten

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